Yesterdaze: A winner in the World Cup of confessions

James Elliott's review of the week: the truth behind a national catastrophe, and a chance for world domination.

There’s nothing a news organisation likes more than the exclusive rights to a “shock confession” to draw in the punters and their all-important clicks.

So over at Stuff this week the click counters must have been thrilled to tell the bean counters to call off the head counters when “Chris” of Pt Chev came forward to admit going backwards over the Prime Minister’s cat Paddles in October 2017. Although Chris wasn’t prepared to share his last name he was happy to share an insight into how those traumatic events have scarred his psyche.

Chris said that some months after the fatality and his first round of apologies he was able to apologise to the Prime Minister in person when his son happened to be playing with the PM’s niece at a local park. And I think it’s best left for Chris to tell us in his own words what was going through his mind as he approached the Prime Minister:

“My boy was boisterous and I wanted to make sure that nothing bad happened to her niece because something bad had already happened to her cat."

There’s probably too many words there for a T-shirt and you need to know the context but that’s a sentence that deserves to be up on the podium of great Kiwi expressions alongside “nek minnit” and “always blow on the pie”.

I hope Chris of Pt Chev can at least find some peace in knowing that he helped reduce the Prime Minister’s carbon footprint by the equivalent of a Volkswagen Golf. That’s according to a study of pets’ carbon pawprints by New Scientist magazine. Incidentally, cats have significantly smaller carbon pawprints than dogs. That’s a finding that’s been circulated quite widely, by cats.

So if you’re now thinking of exchanging your cat for a Volkswagen Golf you need to exercise some caution. That’s because all vehicles in the current Volkswagen Golf range are in excess of the fuel standard of 105 grams of C02 emission per km that is being proposed for all imported vehicles by 2025 under the government’s new Clean Car Standard and Clean Car Discount policies. And also by 2025 you can expect to see a lot more electric vehicles, or EVs, on our roads.

There are three compelling factors driving this estimated increase in EVs. First, it’s predicted that there will be price parity between EVs and internal combustion engine vehicles or ICEs by 2022. Secondly the running costs on an EV are 30 percent less than those of an ICE. And thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, Mike Hosking hates electric cars so you’ll be doing a public service of sorts by getting your own one. Like it or not, we have to get to grips with lowering carbon emissions across the board otherwise future generations will only know the word “ICE” as an anagram for internal combustion engines and nothing else.

The Clean Car policy proposals were announced by Associate Transport Minister Julie-Anne Genter. If you’re wondering why Transport Minister Phil Twyford wasn’t fronting this announcement that’s because he was otherwise engaged dealing with the ongoing Waiheke ferry saga. Waiheke residents have been complaining for some months about delays and cancellations in the ferry service operated by Fullers and now Twyford is involved. And if there’s anyone who knows about delays and an inability to keep to a schedule it’s former Kiwibuild Minister Twyford. Based on his stewardship of Kiwibuild, if Twyford pledges an improved ferry service from Auckland to the targeted destination of Waiheke then you can probably expect the ferry to get no further than the Motuihe Channel with commuters having to swim the rest of the way.

'Ferry passengers forced to swim’ is a great headline and 'Shock confession of ferry passengers forced to swim' is even better. But if you can’t get either of those, a New Zealand sports team doing really well overseas can not only create a great headline, it can dominate the front page, the back page, and a fair few other pages in between.

And that’s what we got in the early hours of Thursday when the Black Caps beat India in a two-day game of one-day cricket to reach the World Cup final against England. Not only that, we did it as underdogs, our preferred pre-match pundits’ pick. And that’s not our only opportunity to be world champions this year. The Silver Ferns are just getting their netball World Cup campaign underway in the UK, and later in the year the All Blacks head to Japan to defend their title as Rugby World Cup champions. Just think, we could win three World Cups in the same year. Or maybe two. Or perhaps just the one. Or …. nah, surely not.

Have a peaceful weekend.

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