ReadingRoom

A poem for .. Winston Peters

New Zealand's unofficial poet laureate Victor Billot pens topical verse every Sunday. This week: the leader of New Zealand First.

A New Zealand First Werewolf in Wellington

Cutting a dash on the town, twinkle in his eye,
the Deputy PM is on form, relaxed, even spry.
Coalition is his middle name.
Winston C. Peters is on top of his game.
Mr Peters, says Queen Cindy, with respect.
Mr Peters glows back, with a glowing effect.
If the opposition lean in and give him a crack,
he leans closer still and gives twice a crack back.
The years roll on, and some say he’s gone mellow.
A grandfatherly touch, well met, good old fellow.
But every so often, a full moon slowly rises.
Now is the hour when Mr Peters surprises.
Every two years and ten months (to be precise)
is when you should hide (if you’ll take my advice.)
This bad moon rises up in the night sky above you.
It says in big letters: GENERAL ELECTION NOW DUE.
His coiffure goes queer as fur sprouts from his head.
His twinkly eyes bulge and then turn bloody red.
His teeth grow longer and carnivorous.
His ghastly howl makes your neck shiverous.
He finds a big chunk of nice juicy meat.
It could be Red Chinese investors or welfare cheats.
It could be the Opposition in complete disarray.
It could be this Government has lost its way.
It could be a refugee from Outer Siam.
It doesn’t matter. Winston gives all a slam.
He drops that woke pixie dust bomb from great height.
He eats Greens for breakfast and stays up all night.
He tweets to Dave Seymour “catch u outside”.
Then he shrieks and gibbers to a gathering crowd:
'It’s the end of the world if I’m not around,
to keep these loonies’ clown shoes on the ground!’
This performance is fearsome and scaresome, it’s true.
It makes coalition partners run for the loo.
But once he has got the votes that he needs
to make others juggle and wheedle and plead,
and once he has hit five per cent or just over,
it goes back to honey bees buzzing in clover.
He goes back to being that nice old gent.
I guess that’s why they still keep him
inside the big tent.

Victor Billot has previously been moved to write odes for Garrick Tremain, Todd Muller, Donald Trump, Prince Andrew, David Clark, Paula Bennett, Hamish Walker and the National Party.

*Made with the support of Creative New Zealand *

  

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