Barbara Eden’s Screams
1.
It was the 70s.
There wasn’t much on.
They lured us in
with cartoon credits
smacked us
with the laugh track.
Why weren’t we laughing?
Why were they?
2.
Jeannie’s bottle—
patriarchal symbol but damn
inside it looked cosy.
3.
Also, weirdly, erotic.
4.
So many situations
dissolving via pink smoke
into a mulberry cushioned
safe space appeals.
5.
Although …
bathroom, bedroom, kitchen?
Not much real
estate in that thing.
6.
Where in a world curved
in on itself
does the fetching light
on your boobs
originate?
7.
‘Despite the fact Jeannie is subservient to Tony Nelson, she is still ultimately an independent and capable woman.’
—Barbara Eden
8.
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9.
Honest opinion?
Way more fun to be a genie than have a genie.
Fucking annoying, some sarcastic broad
hanging off your neck causing chaos.
10.
No agency? Come on,
that bottle waggled about
like no one’s business,
drawing cute attention to itself.
11.
Anyone surprised Hagman was a jerk?
Clearly not the star. Well down the list
behind the bottle, Barbara
and those diaphanous pants.
12.
Poor Larry, angry alcoholic
man-baby who urinated on set
and abused guest actors.
Well, enough about him.
Once the director left Barbara Eden
trapped in a prop bottle for two hours
while the cast went for lunch.
13.
Pizza, pasta, burger—
what could you stomach
knowing you’ve left a woman
in a bottle?
14.
(they taped her screams and used them in the show)
15.
We weren’t laughing,
I like to think we sensed it.
Something mean.
The echo of Barbara Eden’s screams.
From the new issue of Landfall 239, edited by Emma Neale (Otago University Press, $30), featuring the work of such as Patricia Grace, Malinna Liang, Emer Lyons, Talia Marshall, Vincent O’Sullivan, and Leanne Radojkovich; available in bookstores nationwide.
